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I'm Jimmy. I'm the host. Thanks for watching. Thank you for joining us here at our studio in Los Angeles, California. We are, I don't know if you felt it, it was, we are experiencing something called rain, which we don't get a lot, but it is nothing compared to what's happening in the South right now. We're the first hurricane of the season. Hurricane Isa, uh, Isa, what, how do you pronounce it, Guillermo? Isa something. Yes, that's right. Has left hundreds of thousands without power. There was an evacuation order issued in Destin, Florida, over the weekend. And this is from a channel I didn't even know was a channel, Fox Weather. Did you know there's a Fox Weather? Finally, a common sense alternative to that woke weather channel with their small craft advisories and their dew point and whatnot. But chief weather correspondent Robert Ray was on the scene in Deston, Florida putting the brave and braving the wind. As the winds increase, the push does as well. Here we go. Wow. Yep. Bear with me here, everybody. It just got so intense. And then we lost light as well, and now I think we're in a good position. It's like I've been explaining with the Fox weather beast on my ground. Oh, it's pretty darn windy. At least to me. You can't even believe Fox weather reports, for God's sake. We're sending best wishes to those of you in the path of the storm. And welcome to those joining us after Monday Night Football tonight. The Bills were here in L.A. visiting the Rams. It's a big L.E. sports night. Dodgers played the Brewers in Milwaukee in Game 2 of the NLCS. That game's still going on. And then, of course, we have the biggest L.S. sports story of all. Tomorrow night, our very own Guillermo barrels into Week 5 of Dancing with the Stars. No one thought he could do it. No one believed he could do it, no one. They said he was too round, he was too slow, they said he wouldn't work hard enough. They called him a dumpling, they called him a meatball, but guess who's still going strong? Yeah! Guillermo is teaching the world a lesson. Just because you can't dance Doesn't mean you can't dance The world is watching you Even the world of football is watching Guillermo so far has been Name checked twice by the New England Patriots By the Pittsburgh Steelers And now Jameis Winston Quarterback for the Giants Put this on his Social media Now Guillermo I know you're a big Dallas Cowboys fan Have you received any support from the Cowboys yet? No nothing yet Oh my god, you might have to switch teams. You really might. If your team doesn't support you, how can you support it? I know, Jimmy. It is not hyperbolic to say that Guillermo mania is sweeping this country. There have been so many fans posting tributes to our tiny dancer. But never, never did we imagine that the US freestyle ski team would get in on the act. Dancing the samba with his partner, Whitney Carson, it's Guillermo Rodriguez. We made it to the mountaintop. Yeah. And by the way, they closed it out strong, too. Last man on the earth still couldn't get there. You're delusional, you're delusion, you're losing your mind. It's confusing, oh, you confuse, you know. Why you wasting your time? Boy, why you so obsessed with me? Wow. That's, you know what? I love to see great athletes from one support supporting athletes from another sport, you know? So Guillermo will be back on the dance floor tomorrow night, dancing to Bad Bunny. Please make sure you are registered to vote. If you are in line to vote for Guillermo, stay in line and vote for Guilermo on Dancing With the Stars. Oh, come on. And oh, we have a, we got a new White House press secretary. Here he is. Dan Fitzsimmons, he's a Harvard graduate. He's got a master's from the Columbia Journalism School. He's known for his fair and thoughtful... Oh, wait, just kidding. This is the new press secretary, former Newsmax commentator Katie Zachariah, seen here thinking. Katie met a number of qualifications for the job. She has blonde hair. She can do a thumbs-up. And end of list, really. What else do you need? Where do they all get that same face? Is that makeup or do they have a machine that stamps it on? Katie is in for a long week. On Friday, the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to someone other than Donald Trump. It went to Navi Pillay, former High Commissioner for Human Rights at the U.N. The president took the perceived snub well, I have to say. He only posted a 600-word tirade, lashing out. And what better way to deserve a Nobel Prize than attacking the woman who won it at midnight in a social media post that is twice as long as the Gettysburg Address. In this one post, Trump mentioned he ended eight wars seven different times and then woke up on Saturday morning and did it again, this time misspelling the word Nobel. I did not get the Nobel Peace Prize. Wow. Do you think Natalie misspells the word Nobel on purpose or no one knows the word Nobel has a B in it, you know? I'm not sure which is more alarming, the fact that Trump is upset he didn't win the Nobel Prize or that he's surprised he didn' win one. The United States of America, represented by me as your president, should have received the Nobel Peace Prize but didn't. And this is an indelible stain on the country of Norway And those people that made such a disgraceful and embarrassing decision. I know. I was upset they didn't give it to him, too. It's really an indelible stain. Not as indelble as the stain you made on your diaper when they announced it. He is blaming Norway for this slight, which thanks a lot, Norway. I hope you're happy you made our baby cry. We will not forget, Norway, that you didn't give this prize. With the greatest record in history, not eight wars, we should have had eight Nobel Prizes for each war. Wait, hold on. Let me add that up. Eight prizes for each War. That means you should have 64 Nobel Prizies. Minus eight for the war we started. That's an even 56. That seems reasonable. Is that too much to ask? Shame on you, Norway. Imagine being the single most powerful person in the world and still being such a petty little bitch at all times. I mean, really. And the truth is, if any American politician deserved the Peace Prize, it has to be this guy. I mean look at him. He loves peace. Peace is all he talks about. And goodbye. President Pumpkin McButthurt took a break from complaining to throw a three-hour or two-hour tantrum in Syracuse this weekend where he railed against a bill that has for months been sitting unsigned on Governor Kathy Hochul's desk. Kathy Hochal supports transgender mutilization of your children and a billthat would change the terms of mother and father to gestating and non-gestating parents. You can no longer say, Mother, hi, Mom. It's, hi gestating. Hi gestating, I love you so much, gestating Mom. You know what? That was funny. I'm going to give that to him. I'm gonna call my gestating on the way home from work tonight. But then, at another pep rally in Clarksville, Tennessee, you'll never guess who got a shout-out. This loser, Jimmy Kimmel. I see that... What a loser. I had just left Texas or someplace. The place is packed. And maybe it was Ohio. Place is packed! He said, Donald Trump had a sparsely attended... I said, sparsly attended? They had to walk thousands of people. They couldn't get into the room. These guys are crooked people. They're losers. They're crooked people." Do I really sound like that? Be honest, am I? The worst parts of the attended rallies are... Of all the things I said about him last week, of all the many moronic and criminal words and deeds I detailed, that's what bothers him? Me pointing out the fact that his rallies have empty seats? Well, in that case, let's do it again. There were many empty seats at the rally. So many empty sheets. There were even empty seats at the Rally where he complained about me saying he had empty seats at the rally. He keeps claiming the reason there are empty seats in the back and the top is because people love him so much they make their way down to the front. Isn't it interesting that that never happens at a Lakers game, people just moving up to the top of the front? But it does at an event controlled by the United States Secret Service. And by the way, when I mentioned the sparse attendance at that rally, I didn't even show it. This is from his rally in Alabama, much like Trump's cognitive function, not at full capacity. But what he lacks in attendance, he makes up for with racist rhetoric. Trump's other new bit is directed at a rising star and Michigan U.S. Senate hopeful, Abdul El-Sayed. Muhammad El-Seyed. I call him Muhammad. Somebody said, his name isn't Muhammad. it's Abdul. I said to me it's Mohammed. I'm the president. I can call him whatever the hell I want. You know it really makes me wish Mohammed Ali was alive. I'd love to see Trump dare say that to him. But the president's pulling out all the stops to earn slash buy our votes. In November on Friday he announced a deal with Russia, a country that is bombing our ally Ukraine and helping our enemy Iran to keep them afloat by buying 300,000 tons of diesel fuel, which will not lower prices here. 300,00 tons of diesel fuel is about three quarters of the amount this country uses in one day. He sold our soul for three quarters off a tank of gas. This is like if during World War II, FDR struck a deal to buy sausage from Hitler, okay? Put a dent in the price of bratwurst. And on top of all that, Trump floated the idea this weekend of renaming either the Pacific or Atlantic Oceans after himself. Moby Dictator said he would like to change one of them to Trump Ocean. He wants an ocean now. He can't even manage a reflecting pool. He would like an ocean. There is so much... ...stream of unconsciousness coming from this man. Especially at these rallies. We combed through and boiled them all down in this new weekend edition of Moments in Preza Dementia. You know, sir? Eggs. Sir, eggs. We don't need hockey sticks. You know I know a lot of chefs. Hello. Melania. She's a dog. It's racist. You're fired. Wow. Wow. Are you crazy, Donald? Freaking crazy. Praise be to Allah. Uh, we call it Trump ocean. I could say the stupidest things and you'd clap. You know, I love you so much. Oh, sure. Well, he's right there. Trump also weighed in over the weekend on Pete Hegseth's surprise announcement that the Pentagon would like to livestream an execution, the first public execution in this country in 90 years, which is something the president stopped to discuss on his morning walk with Mike Tyson. I'm not going to keep approving those public executions until somebody gives me a damn peace prize. This execution is scheduled for December 3rd, which I looked it up. You know what else is scheduled that day? The White House Christmas tree lighting. you know they could save some money if they doubled up in some way maybe get a monster energy drink sponsorship and finally end the war on christmas the plan is to televise a firing squad it really is amazing we have all these morons running around saying liberals are trying to institute sharia law tommy tubberville ted cruz mike johnson sharia laws sharia law meanwhile only two other countries held public executions last year you want to guess which ones they are i'll give you a hint it's not canada and ireland okay afghanistan and iran sharia my sharia law this must be what he meant about making america great again you know we are three weeks now into fall or autumn whatever you want to call it autumn and fall mean the same thing but with the weather as crazy as weird as it has been i wonder if everyone knows that more than anything, our goal here at our show is to educate. To do that, we sent our team out to Hollywood Boulevard to ask pedestrians strolling by if any of them knows anything. What's the difference between autumn and fall? I guess autumn is more like longer, and fall is a little shorter. Fall still got a little more humidity, and autumn is more cold and damp. Now, what's the difference between autumn and fall um i guess just like the way that they're pronounced um fall autumn and it's clear to you i feel it is this is spring okay spring so i feel like we just came from summer so so autumn is after spring in june okay then we have autumn Yeah. And then what comes after autumn? Summer. And when does summer start? July. And how many years have you lived like this? 22. Can you spell autumn? A-U-T-U. A-T. U-M-E. So you can't. What do you mean by that? What do You Like Better, spring or summer? Um, spring. Autumn or fall? Fall. Fall or autumn? Autumn. Autumn is when the colors of the trees start to change. Fall is when they actually start to fall. Do you have your phone? I got my phone. Do you want to Google right now what's the difference between autumn and fall? Let's Google it. What's the different between autumn and fall. Autumn and fall are used interchangeably as words for the season between summer and winter. So they're the same thing. All right, all right, well, that's good to know. We got a good show tonight. William Shatner and Brad Paisley are here. Adrian DeLeon is with the Cretos tonight. And we'll be right back with Josh Brolin. So stick around.