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what are you doing you oogling at my wife oh my god stop leave her the fuck alone dude she's married he's gonna be insufferable now you're not even wearing the ring i'm wearing a ring what ring is that my oar ring i wanted a fill-in ring just because my ring's getting resized they said i had fat nooks welcome to whine about it everybody welcome to win about it i am your host cutie cinderella my co-host valkyrae is not here because i am still away um we are supposed to be back together however i got sick and stranded and but next week we'll be back together hopefully not i mean you're with the love of your life now lommel lommell shit oh my god are you gonna be like this the whole time yeah okay how about you guys back the fuck off my wife something smells like diapers i shit that's what smells like he has a pile oh my god what he has a pile of garbage yeah i keep the garbage away from you because i don't want my wife to see it oh my God he's just so excited okay yes we're married surprise i don' t want my fucking wife to yell at me so i put my garbage in the corner oh my gawd nothing changes when you get married hi ders guys we have a special guest ders the cat on today dude i'm getting coffee today there was a lady she had a cat on her lap ders clone five years younger really yes i try to get a picture of her and uh but i didn't want to like be creepy so i angled the phone in a way that was honestly creepier than if i had just taken a normal picture you could have just asked her you could just said i have a cat that looks like that this is the picture i ended up getting wow it's just of the trees yeah it didn't really work out wait why are you so mad he's so mad okay sorry don't touch me um well i'm sorry you didn't get a picture it's all right it's right dude what are you doing you ogling at my wife oh my god stop leave her the fuck alone dude she's married he's gonna be insufferable now you're not even wearing the ring i'm wearing a ring what ring is that my war ring i wanted a fill-in ring just because my ring is getting resized his ring was too big yeah and this ring's too small and it hurts to take off it turns out i have the the i don't know what they call the ring bearer the ring maker they said i had fat knucks probably because you're always cracking them isn't that a myth i don'T think so i thought that was a myth but i got fat huge giant knuckles and then what's worse is i injured these fingers so they're even fatter and gianter knuckles and so rings fit so horribly on me well i'm sorry to hear that but congratulations on your wedding congratulations to us i'm here with my co-host for the week ludwig nope actually wrong co- host for the rest of your freaking life oh god and a two-man show airing every single night he's don't worry whine about it listeners he is not actually taking over a raised spot you're so much quieter in the recording than you are in the i know that's because i'm not yelling i don't yell something really smells like poop and i think it is that pile over there no i don' t smell it that is so crazy that you just have that i got a pile what are you mad about it uh you had a pile upstairs i have a pile downstairs yeah i suppose um well welcome to i don't even know what to talk about i feel so out of practice the other day um we i tried to vlog for practice because i feel really really rusty and it was bad and then i got home and i was trying it was mad no honestly it was it was fine you just second guessing is what made it bad everything lately though you'd be like i'm not fucking funny i'll never be funny again i'm the least fucking funny person alive and it's like i think you're funny yeah i have big confidence issues ever since ever since i got canceled ever since nom ever since mom ever since uh i i don't know i just you know it really really tears you down and i haven't figured out how to get it back yet but i thought it would be it's almost been a year but i'm still not back gotta get your mojo back yeah no mojo over here unfortunately sometimes you have mojo uh yeah but sometimes i don't i mean i think the perfect example of it is if you watch the streamer awards and nomination stream there's a few seconds where i would get comfortable in my skin and i'd make a joke and be me and then i'd look at chat and i'D instantly like shrivel down to a to a pulp yeah and then I'd be that for a little bit and then every and then Id like forget and like yeah normal me would come out and then i'd be like oh god well that's also such an unfair place to do it right because that's so many people watching who don't know or care about you they just care about their streamer yeah that's why talk show hosts are the way that they are because everyone watches for the guests that they have so jimmy founds a husk of a man because he needs to be a husк of a men yeah except for conan what a charm that guy yeah but that's right a lot of people didn't like him because he's an acquired taste coots freaking coots coming in we really gotta fix it's so ugly in this room but someday it'll be pretty what relax i'm sorry i'm just thinking about our video watchers and half that shit's my uncle's no it's not yeah it's all your garbage that's all mine true um so anyway we're freaking married it's the married episode it's the married episodes and we should talk about freaking the wedding should we yes we should talk about that i'm like nervous because i've kept it all so secret as much as to my ability well the yard guys talked a lot about the orb do you know about the herb oh my gosh i don't know why they're so obsessed yeah guys at our wedding venue they sometimes because it it can be the winter here and it can snow so a lot of restaurants and venues will have these outdoor seating arrangements orbs that are under an orb and then like a heater uh so then you can still people can still eat outside in the winter it's awesome i have gone to many orb restaurants yeah um but um oh you're reading the yard chat well i'm trying to pull the picture you're supposed to stall i don't know why you stopped to look at this i'm not what the heck are your podcasts like like this mostly um here it is oh my gosh this is the orb like i'm just like confused when they had time for this you well you didn't realize it the the the person who has the least fun at the wedding is people getting married yeah i i did realize that tell them how i wept he wept i wepped well it's funny because as i was getting ready with all the bridesmaids i was telling them about ludwig's cartoon face when he cries he does this like thing where like his he his lip juts out like a like a character on like look like that like literally no it's more it's more exaggerated than that like well i can't i had to be crying to do it his bottom lip jumps out and frowns upside down and it like quivers and then he starts crying i'll cry if i just think about you on the wedding day yeah so i was telling all the bridesmaids i was like you guys watch him he's gonna he's gotta make a cartoon face i'm gonna do my anne hathaway get rid of my tears sure enough you did do a cartoon yeah i cried were you happy that i cried or indifferent um sad i was isn't it a dream for the bride to walk down and see their groom crying the problem that we have is that i'm such an awkward individual that i know i always say this and people don't believe me because they think it's contradictory that like i'm a podcaster but or like a youtuber or whatever but like i really am bad with attention like i actually am like it like when everyone you know everyone's bad when everyone sings happy birthday to you or whatever yeah but like I'm really bad yeah like and so everyone looking at me while I'm walking down the aisle i kept being like why are you guys looking at me i was like you guys are being weird about it like i was saying this out loud and so all of our videography is instead of me just smiling and looking at lud is like me making this weird face me talking being like guys it's guys why guys why are YOU standing up everybody's like sit down you guys ARE being weird like the whole time i don't know i just couldn't well i think awkward brain took over i think it's very emotional and i don'T think you like feeling very emotional so you like to escape it yeah so you were making a lot of goofs and gaffs yeah to escape the emotion and i love living in my emotion because i don't get to experience my my sadness and my sorrow actually experience it way more as i'm older yeah i cry way more now yeah but so i like living in it so i but i it was very clear to me you're trying to escape it yeah you also didn't follow my rule very well what i had one rule that i read or i heard from a old couple once and it was like on the wedding day you're supposed to hold each other's hands and squeeze it every once in a while to ground yourselves to remember to enjoy the day remember i told you this yeah i was squeezing you you weren't squeezing me i didn't know that i had to squeeze you too it waslike any time you wanted to squeeze you could squeeze whenever you just didn't squeeze i just was busy you're busy i squeeze you so i haven't sorry i have you covered i'm sorry as your husband oh my god but yeah it was freaking um a beautiful affair i guess start i want to know the difference because i don't know what was going on with with with you so essentially you do the rehearsal dinner that the day before there's this fucking shit up back there yeah he's showing he's going crazy i just became aware of the windows bad thing for durst become aware of oh my god what a star i wish we had a light cute um anyway uh i so the morning of we have to get girls have to get ready so the hiccups i'm sorry everybody girls have to get ready early yeah all women do is cry getting in fender benders and get ready we didn't get no one got offended as a nick reference oh he's sexist again yeah again uh so you so yeah we have to you have to wake up so early i think well the first group was like 7 a.m and so then i'm awake if someone's awake i'm away you know what i'm saying like i've never slept through somebody getting up sure like so people get up we have hair and makeup going on um i have really fun advice to everybody and this might sound like stupid advice but i'm gonna give it to you because we messed up um get a very thorough quote for everything before booking it i mean that's applicable for literally every single thing in life is get the price set before doing the act because otherwise the any number works essentially we used a few new people like we we use like someone that i always use and i i always use her she's incredible whatever i like knew her prices um but then i had like uh help booking other people and then i just didn't think because we've used them before for other things and i didn't think their price would be double then or triple than what they've charged me in the past um so that happened a few times because i didn't re-ask for prices because once you add wedding in front of it i think it goes up unfortunately yeah yeah 100 i read a freaking story online about a lady who got her makeup done and then she went to the wedding and then the makeup artist found out she was pissed because she wanted to charge quadruple yeah so for the same thing it was a big just oversight on my part but throwing it out there get quotes get them written down um but anyway we wake up we had a few different hair makeup people everyone's separated they're getting their stuff done we did have when my sister picked out this hair that was like a side part and it was supposed to be wavy like old Hollywood waves unfortunately it turned out to be like a beehive like it was really really rough it was really bad um and I'm sitting there and I m watching her get done and I m like oh no like what if she loves it you know like I m going like there s no way she loves it but what if we cannot we cannot it was like literally a beahive and so then I m like okay well whatever like I walk away I m in my room replying to texts or dealing with whatever and uh and then she comes in hair done and she's like what do you think of my hair and i'm like what Do you think Of It Because That's Something I've Learned You Don't Give Your Opinion Until You Know Their Opinions Uh Unless It's A Situation Where You Can Just Be Overtly Honest To Begin With You Don'T Want To Yuck Their Yum Yeah I Don'T Wanna Yuck Their Yum In Case They Love It If She Loves It Then I Adjust My Approach But Then She Was Like I don't like it and I said thank god I hate it like I was like she was like what do we do and I was like I'm just gonna be bridezilla and I'm gonna just go tell them I hate it and so I walked in and I said I'm so sorry can we do something about her hair she loves it she loves it smart but everybody else has their hair like middle part no they didn't I just said that middle part can we make hers middle part and just do waves instead of this and they're like yeah for sure and they did it but we have a captain oh good um but yeah that was that was stressful so that was your morning stress that was my morning stress point and then you guys showed up way late to the venue no we didn't i'm in the group chat you were supposed to be there like at two you didn't get there till oh my god we had the most we had the most annoying thing happen okay so there's something called a lay flat a lay flat just let him let him let him explore no he jumped into the thing you know he's stuck okay he's not stuck he was stuck he's fine yours this is not a jungle gym you gotta let the cats figure things out they're brave oh my god they're stressing me out look at the other one the other ones thinking about it I know just let him let them do that they're playing in the garbage pile yeah I have an awesome pile of garbage for them to play it and you're mad about it anyway your lay flat okay so lay flat if you if you've never been married this is what a lay flat is it's like a few doohickeys for a picture it's usually your invites like your rings your i like had my mom's pearls flowers perhaps some flowers yeah i had a locket with swift's picture in it sweet like i had some framed pictures of the cats just like stuff that you lay that are little tokens like your watch or whatever you know and then you take the photographer takes a picture of it it's just a way to remember some of the little details okay so i am smart and so i pre-packed the lay flat box knowing photographer will take pictures and then we'll get our rings back so our rings were in the lay flap box great and then we we know where the rings are whatever we go to leave lay flat boxes missing and i'm like how is the lay flat the that's that's the cool thing about a lay flatbox it's this big compared to a ring box which is this big you know big box yeah so it's big box so i'mlike hello where's lay flat so i start asking everyone i'm like where's the lay flat ask the photographer do you have the lay flap box do you have a flat box no one is replying to me no one has told me they have taken it and so i'm like so annoyed i'm not guys how did we lose this like who came into this room like because we're all getting ready to hotel room and uh and then finally i call um the day of coordinator and they're like oh i grabbed it why would you not tell me so here's the thing that you guys have understand about our wedding um oh boy he's gonna say something mean about me nope i'm just gonna say something honest about you cutie uh did a lot of the work to get it done like you know i think more than a normal bride you planned a lotof aspects of it and also made the cake which was nuts and impressive uh so your duties as a bride were like i would say like triple a regular bride you know maybe more i'm just i just listen i just this isn't my first wrote well it's my first wedding but not my first like wedding i've worked on so it's not my first rodeo so it'S like i know what things i know it needs to be done i know da da da and if they're not being done like i'm gonna say something because i'm not naive to the process so itS like i Know that'S why i know about the lay flat box that'S why i Know about the i'M just saying but you want to you want to know and have control over a lot of aspects of it whereas a normal rings were in there that's what I'm saying so you're like stressed where is it where is it where's it and mad I'm not mad it just resulted in you being I think more stressed during the like lead up days and the day of the wedding like I remember the day before the wedding we have our marriage document and you're Like where's the marriage document and I'm like I'm pretty sure that I saw it and I it was under the TV so like it's on TV and you know like if we don't have it we're fucked and I think for you it's like doomsday and then so I was like well I can make her less stressed by just finding it and so it was it was just where I knew it was but I got it and then you were less stressed but I think you were just high stress because you wanted like knowledge and control over all the variables of the wedding because you know all the variable so you know what you can be stressed about yeah well that's what it made us slightly late to the venue but it was fine because we had a four-hour buffer the girls did yeah we had four hour buffer so we're just sit in there um but yeah then we get there the lay flat boxes the lay flat box is a whole thing all day it's like i couldn't they different people would take the lay flap box for pictures or for this or for that and it was it was hell so love the lay flat box hate the lay flip box lay flat box stressed you out yeah at one point i i think that's the only time i yelled when i was like can we just fucking like put the layflat box in one spot and that's where it stays like stop moving it stress about this box yeah because it had our rings in it and have everything and then a lot of valuables as soon as they were done taking photos i was able to take the rings out and then we're fine um but yeah anyway um but yes so we get there um all of this is happening like i'm getting hair makeup done all this stuff is simultaneously happening also the dress we've heard about the dress oh i had a reception dress that i ordered i did i was just like searching the name of the dress on instagram and i saw someone wearing it and i dm them and i was like hey is there any chance you're selling that and she was like yeah i'm wearing it tomorrow um for my rehearsal dinner and then i'll and then my wedding's the next day and then I'll ship it to you and I was like oh my gosh so I bought it off some like just girlhood her name is her name's freaking savannah she's awesome we're friends yeah like I got her number off instagram we dm'd she shipped it to me it was awesome you're married she's married too oh yeah it was awesome so I have a new friend and she sent me i bought the dress and it was awesome um but that was the rehearsal dinner dress but then the reception dress was the one i did find it in europe and i did you know convince them to ship it even though they don't normally rent to the u.s it was this was a rental not a purchase um however unfortunately it did not arrive in time for the wedding yeah it was kind of brutal we printed a shipping label it made it seem like it'd come on time and then they use a different shipping label and shipped it out five days later from the uk it's just a far away place and then it got held it got hold and it like showed that it was actually it showed that it was going to deliver the day of the day the day before 8 p.m which would have been perfect and so we had like one of my cousins on standby to like go and grab it and bring it but then it just never got delivered yeah it didn't even deliver that day and then i delivered on monday yeah way later so that was a bummer but while we're just sitting at the venue because we had like four hours or whatever uh you know checking the tracking on the dressing if it's gonna get there in time it's not but uh yingling radstads trisha and nico are on a side quest of bringing a seven-tier wedding cake to the venue in two pieces so then i can assemble it on site um never i mean trisha's delivered a wedding cake for a cake for me before which she's delivered like a three tier maybe a four tier cake for mi but a seven tier and this the size of this was like absurd um was definitely next level plus there's a bunch of we we got married in the mountains so there's bunch of hills and curves and twists and turns and all this stuff well occasionally it's just heavy as shit and it's huge yeah like i have to put it into the freezer when we try to do it together and then you pass it off and i did it that shit was heavy and stressful yeah and i slightly the first time put it in hit like the bottom corner of it yeah and then and then it's like hard to fix that right yeah so man i was stressed for them i was just thinking about them taking the cake out and like because i was like i was like man it's gonna come back freaking smashed you don't have to hide it uh but they crushed it apparently yeah they i did i had like i walked trisha through it the day before i was like okay you're gonna park this way you're going to do this someone's going to sit in the back with half of it then such a the other's gonna sit in there a nico's arm span is apparently the savior of the day yeah so thank goodness because otherwise i mean you can go short ass arms i don't know bro my short ass arms this is a deep ice chest it was it was like a ice chest that was in but they got it there and then i had to assemble it but unfortunately the table that it was on it was tiles in the venue and so it's on a table and so the table's super crooked and so we're trying and i have a level with me and so мы're trying to get the table level by like stuffing cardboard underneath it but then as soon as you put a heavy cake on it the cardboard's gonna flatten right and so the table was a little crooked and so then i set the the top four tiers on top of the bottom three tiers and there it's like a little cricket and i don't really have a way to compensate like it's just it turned out fine it's a little crooked from some angles but what can you if it's like unfortunately that's just what happens when you're the bride and the wedding cake designer but that's okay i think you look great yeah i have a few things i wish i would have done i wish should have done um like fruit or flowers on it on the cake yeah i kept it simple and i think i should have Done a little more but that's okay whatever next wedding next wedding he keeps saying that you keep saying it too that's been our that's your easy coping mechanism for if something doesn't go your way it just instantly makes you delusionally feel better if you just say next time we'll deal with it at the next wedding we got yeah forget this wedding yeah um yeah well my day was much less dramatic yeah what happened just the boys hung out in the orb well we they got ready in my room and i guess we had a bit of an issue because they all got their tuxes rented first off she thought we should get our tuxas from men's warehouse you act like the place we got them was like incredibly nice miles better it's called fryer's tux it's a chain there's many of them yeah it's miles better they had great customer service now one issue though is you have to go into a fryer's tux to get your tuxedo like size and all that and so i had all the boys do that but there's no fryer trucks in japan and connor was in japon and so I I was like hey can you go do this but then I kind of became the middleman and so he gave me his sizes and I did it I fucked up somewhere I think all right or they fucked up someone fucked up probably me because when connor tried on his tux it was for genuine children like the pants were for like a toy soldier and uh and it didn't it didn'T fit him like width or height like it was literally made for children uh i'm finding it because apparently he vlogged it apparently connor yeah oh yeah he told me that we could react it rack or see what happened i don't know um and and so we were like maybe we can shuffle the pants around and it was just like they were just made for children they couldn't fit anybody it was just a debacle and uh and this is like maybe an hour before we're supposed to go to the venue and it's in it so and then also it's like the jacket the jacket fit which was good yeah that was big i think the shirt didn't fit as well um or something like that but but he had like another white shirt so it was fine um it's not loading no worries we can get it in post in classic my luck fashion the pants don't fit me so i'm going to a store and i gotta be at the wedding in like an hour i didn't get to try my suit on until today we'll make it work i've secured pants and uh they're a little long so i ran over to nordstrom and i'm gonna see if they can quickly hem them but i've been fucking running around all of fucking utah at least downtown it's quite nice but i'm in a bit of fucking time crunch in it what's up do i look wedding ready like like a boy slime i don't think i do i like like fucking you look fine god michael god is a yeah it's gonna work out don't be mad at me it's not of you it's no my fault that the the tailor used a monkey as a reference for all the sizing all right goodbye but uh but anyway so then it's like we're like you know fuck we had to go so we just sent him on a solo mission to go get pants which i guess he vlogged maybe we have some video of it he vlogbed it but he went on a Solo mission to get pants an hour before the wedding and the pants needed to match and he did honestly he did a good job you can't tell i mean you can a little bit but yeah like the stripe or whatever yeah like this on the right yeah yeah maybe a little it's fine though but it's quite hard to tell uh so we found a close enough pant match um and clutch it up but that was our that was the only boys drama that was your drama yeah and then you guys were causing a ruckus where what at the venue where we you kept stressing out the photographer because we were trying to take pictures the girls were and then you guys kept like being like i'm gonna walk out oh yeah well okay the room you got versus the room we got night and day yeah we had a big one the room we got was about the size of like a handicapped bathroom like a stall so they were getting all antsy and they didn't have their phone yeah we did take away phones yeah which i think was good but so there's a no phone wedding so and none of the guys have their phones uh mostly also so there's no phone in pockets of the tux for pictures because it makes it sit weirder or has a bulge in your pants um so then nick was using michael as his phone he kept saying all right scroll and michael would verbally say like it's a chinese man on a motorcycle and then nick would be like scroll and they'd be like okay it'sa chinese man and he's with a monkey whatever you guys are so weird yeah so that's what so they were causing rocket i was just going through my vows that was the only thing i was stressed about was actually i had two stress points for the day it was saying the vows and uh doing the dance our dance oh my god i fucked up the dance no you actually turned out it turned out great it turned out great i asked the guys they would tell me honestly they said it looked good um but i missed a step well let's start with first off sorry freaking a the wedding was gorgeous beautiful yeah i have great taste freaking beautiful wedding but you haven't told them it was beautiful yet beautiful beautiful wedding was it the most beautiful wedding you've ever seen you've seen a few weddings in your day that was the most beautiful wedding i don't see top 10 top 10 if i would have spent more money on flowers that's what fucking aiden said that's what aiden side aiden says it's a top 10 wedding and he's been a 14 top 10 hits a little harder for you yeah top 10 it'sa little harder no no it was it was it was gorgeous gorgeous wedding i've just seen listen i have like some i have some principles that hold me back like i wasn't going to spend a hundred thousand dollars on flowers that was never gonna happen however i have been to weddings no it wasn't 97 stop people are actually gonna take that serious and then be mad um it was not even close to that um but i have been to meetings where they've spent upwards of 100k on flowers and it does make a difference it is like a stunning but i mean our wedding was very pretty it was freaking stunning it was stunning it Was stunning okay ignore the perfectionist next to me it was a gorgeous i did diy one thing because of the principle essentially um the place that there was a place that rented i wanted candelabras but most venues don't allow live flame and so you have to get a faux candle to go with the candelobras um in most places uh like rent the candelaubras and the faux flames for literally the price to buy them if not more yeah and they only had like four and they were like a foot taller than like what would look natural and so i ended up buying some for cheaper and buying all the faux candles for cheaper than it would have cost to rent yeah and i was just like that's crazy like because i could i bought a four pack of faux candles for 20 bucks so that's five dollars a candle and then this place was trying to rent each faux candle for freaking eight dollars and now we have an awesome amount of candelabras yeah to use for whatever probably candelobras isn't really a streamer awards vibe um probably summer concert yeah that could be pretty uh any of my dinners that i do thanksgiving that'll be pretty 15 candelabs out there if we need yeah guys i'm starting a candelaba rental company if you guys need them for your wedding let me know i'm gonna charge eight dollars a can we upcharge i'm gonna charge eight and i'll i'll be the one that's setting that up and delivering but yeah no it was it was really pretty i think uh i think i think i think we did good yeah we both did really good yeah both did really good so so i was saying we got this gorgeous wedding gorgeous and when the wedding's outside or the ceremony is there's mountains in the backdrop and i walk up with my mom first and then and lily played the piano lily's playing it wait i think i have a sample do you guys want to hear she played for me uh passion from kingdom hearts is my walkout the one that goes and then for her she played it for uh she played a medley of taylor so songs yeah so each person that walked out here we have it hopefully this won't flag it's only like a minute oh wait no that was for the flower girl flower girl was lover and then it went into it flower girl was also so cute flower girl is so cute that was my niece she was the cutest little flower girl um let me see ah here it is this is you right this is your yep michael watching tv in the background i i was like what is all that background noise yeah my track was a banger i'll try to pick a childhood game that i liked a lot and then the first set of bridesmaids and groomin it's a daylight if you don't know taylor swift daylight lover no it's daylight it'll switch soon this is you are in love so it switches to you are in love no this was i think like nick and Taylor. Lover. No. It was a freak. You're definitely going to get flagged keep playing this really yeah okay well anyway it was a bunch of taylor swift songs yeah we did a beautiful medley uh you are in love we did um uh freak we did love her for the uh told you well we did lover for the flower girl and then um uh i walked to love story because i was like you know what i'm gonna be cheesy and i decided to be your wedding and it was cute and and anyway i cried first time i cried when slime came out because i thought about him dying and then really yep you cried when you saw slime cried when i saw slime why i just teared up a bit not even christian just thought about them dying why i was already crying when christian came out so i just kept well you just said that the first time you cried was that well he came up before christian no he didn't oh wait christian did come out oh wait no no yeah yeah because it goes backwards thank you yeah um yeah and then and then i was like damn i'm gonna cry when she walks out and the walk is far it's so far so it was like because the buildings you have to come and we didn't do a first look so so for weddings you which honestly we probably should have we would have gotten better photos um sure keep that in mind if photos are important to you first look photos and me i waslike photos aren't important to me jokes on me anyway yeah she didn't like how few photos we got of us um so the worst part is um the bad thing about a first look is it's awkward like you know me i would have been so awkward yeah that's what i look like and it would have been like you would hate all the photos i would yeah first look would be so i didn't want to do that i didn'T want to DO a photographed first look and then you're able to do photos with your bridesmaids and groomsmen and get all that stuff out of the way and then YOU CAN ACTUALLY ENJOY YOUR COCKTAIL HOUR that is the practical way to do it um unfortunately i also didn'T WANT TO DO first look though yeah because i wanted the first time to i see you is when you were walking out i think it's more beautiful that's what we did and i wept openly because of it but i'm just telling you guys that's an option and one thing that happened is she had one request of me which was to wax my nose hairs because she hates i guess who i am and like that is what i stand for and apparently they descend no i hate when i kiss him and i can feel his nose hairs on my lip like guys that's disgusting it's my french heritage everyone's got to be on my side there there's no beautiful french heritage there's no one that's not on my site there i would assume so i got my nose waxed which was really chill honestly it's like 15 bucks took like five minutes um and it was cool because i was touching my nose the rest of the day and it was bald and there's been hair there my whole life but what i didn't expect is when i started crying usually you like to have snot dribble from your nose and your nose hair catches it but i had no nose hair so just poured out like tears which is like that's gross i was literally dripping i know so when you came out i started bursting into tears and my nose is going nuts so i took christian's pocket square you can see in this picture he has no pocket square because i took it from him and i was using it as a handkerchief basically yeah um the entire time and uh but yeah i was freaking losing it up there because you look beautiful in a radiant and that was awkward and i was like guys sit down guys why are you being weird yeah you were close to crying a bunch and then you would escape your tears by cracking a joke but then you did cry i do this thing i've learned it's very psychological but i look up when i'm trying not to cry yeah or you just straight up say a joke or i say a joke and you're trying really gonna escape your tears and so then we did the first part which i'm nervous about was the vows and it was your brother who's doing the ceremony and he did a great job he did do a great job you made one joke you hate it he made one that i hate it but i feel bad i feel bad because he was so insecure about the joke like he kept he kept being like i have a crazy joke i'm gonna make i have a crazy jokes i'm going to make like is that okay and i'm like yeah i don't get embarrassed i don'T GET EMBARRASSED i DON'T GET EMBARASSED and then you hated it it was i didn't hate it i it just i'll say it because it's a defensible position to hate the joke it was basically like don't because i don' t want him to listen to this and feel bad does he listen to this sometimes his wife does oh yeah well saying it doesn't change okay you guys can hear the joke and you can decide it it's funny it's lighthearted it's whatever but it's like i'll just do a briefed it was basically like hey ludwig as a husband you have many tasks and it was like a laundry list of like 50 things that i need to do to keep my wife happy and i was like cutie your job is much simpler be naked get some food and don't stand in front of the tv it was it was just facebook maxing and i didn't want to he was so worked up about he was like i've asked multiple people and they said it was funny and it's fine the 50 plus crowd was losing it he it's funny because he he was thinking of the demo well i know but it was funny because he was insecure about it being like somewhat sexual uh-huh he wasn't insecure about like it being misogynistic which was like what i like i don't care if it was a sexual joke like i don't give a shit about that i just like that i'm just like it's okay it's against your principles it's my principles which he asked me about he's like what do you think about the joke and i was like it'S just funny because i'm always talking about like women's rights and like women being equal and then and he was and then he was like what like you know it was funny but it doesn't matter everyone thought it was fun it wasn't a big deal it was fine it was a small part and then the vows hit and i did my vows and i had i had worked hard on my vrows okay michael got me some cigarettes from china i was going through like three a day i felt like miyazaki except instead of writing the screenplay to how's moving castle i'm writing my vows and they weren't long but i thought they were like the appropriate length or whatever it was just like basically like you know a few minutes of some promises i was making to you and i had this analogy i thought up or whatever and it was you know i thought i thought they're very cute whatever did my vials nailed it okay great and actually it was cute during them one of the things i was like i was talking about how she's very empathetic and how sometimes when we walk in a stray cats you know i'm scared she's gonna bring them home because i want another cat and then when i said that a cat walked into the ceremony a stray cat which was crazy um which it wasn't a straycat it was it had a collar on but like an outdoor cat it just came wandering into the ceremony and plopped down actually and this is what a spiritual person would be like woo woo actually right under my mom's seat because we saved a seat for my mom yeah which is kind of crazy spiritual person that's just facts i mean it did do that it went in front of both your mom and my dad's chair all right and maybe because they were empty or maybe because it's the fucking ghosts of the people who would love us deeply wanting to connect with us on our lovely day yeah and so then i did my vows and then it was her vows and i was not ready for your vows because they were freaking nuts a they were like three times longer oh sorry no what are you saying sorry for i didn't know they were that much longer well they were definitely longer because you had they were like way funny i think your opening i did a type five yeah she had so she opened like a type five or starting line was like ludwig if that is your real name and then uh and then you're cracking crazy jokes and then you got sweet and sentimental and then and then i'd go back to crazy back to craziness you had the whole room in tears i did have and then you had this beautiful because i always say the the yeah you said it was from fast and furious yeah you got it from fast i don't know where i got it but i always do the never lies steal or cheat um but you do the fast and furious one yes i do the fat and furious one as a let me see like a fake toast anytime we're toasting if anyone raised their glass i say never lie steal or cheap but i don't really do the rest of it i don' even know the rest of it really that well i just like saying never lie steel a cheat and feigning that i'm gonna do the long one that is apparently from fast and curious and so she ended her vows of that which were freaking awesome and uh and you had the whole room in tears yeah this is what it's from fast and furious 6 2013 whenever there's like a dumb like whenever everyone's together and like drinking he'll be he'll do the never lie steal or cheat unless you're lying in the arms of one you love stealing away from bad company or cheating death so it's a much simpler one but essentially i feel comfortable sharing this you guys you guys you guys hear me call it an irish it's an iris it's in irish it's it's like an iric it's and it's yeah it's like a traditional bow oh never lie seal a cheat but never lie um i talked about at the end of my vows i talked abou 10 years ago losing my best friend who is my mother and like i talked about that a little bit and then five months ago losing my best friend who was swift and and like just essentially swift was supposed to be our ring bearer and then instead of replacing him lud was like don't replace him because then whoever does it you'll just see that spot being filled by someone else instead of not having it right and then it'd feel worse because then someone's in swift spot or whatever and so i use that as an analogy of how much he like knows me essentially and then i said like you know lost my best friend 10 years ago lost my other best friend five months ago and then I said today I find myself marrying my best friend i lost the types of love that cities would go to war for which made me realize the more value i have in never wanting to lose you and so my vows i have to ask you one more thing may you never steal lie or cheat which then all of his friends start laughing because they know he's done this but then the actual irish vows are but if you must steal then steal away my sorrows and if you must lie lie with me in the in all the nights of my life and if we must cheat then please cheat death because i couldn't live a day without you so it like was the more it was like a nice little and i'm in a puddle of my own tears if you've ever seen leap year they actually use it in leap year that's i wrote it down i don't even know that is 15 years it's a rom-com 15 years ago i remember mcconaughey no he's in so many he's not in that one but but anyway your vows are freaking beautiful and and basically the following hour is me finally talking to all the people came to the wedding and without fail maybe 70 people came up to me and they're like wow that was so beautiful it's such a beautiful wedding man her vows mogged yours everyone kept saying that to me i was like yeah not a competition but yeah she had beautiful vows and it was like but it was true your vows were so phenomenal also that was just the end like don't because i told you guys that part that's not that's all of it there's a whole thing that's just the last minute they're gonna hear that and be like wow her mom her problems were so good the last act on a three part act yeah it was lost yeah um but yeah they were freaking beautiful and then we made out in the altar did not make out we kissed with tongue no we didn't twice we did boo yeah for the sake of photos um for the sick of love what do you mean i'm saying we had that you have to like pose like we had to do poses yeah you do poses into the dip and then my brother did something really thoughtful though as the officiant he had a stopwatch or he had a pocket watch in his pocket and when we kissed he stopped the clock oh yeah that was cool and then he gave it to us as a wedding gift and now we have a stop watch that's forever held at the time that we kissed that sanctimonied our marriage and our marriage is sanctimonined sanctimonified i don't know what that means i don' t think it's a word and then and then after is cocktail hour but that's for other people for us it's picture time and she was like i need to get through these pictures i was like go go i was not like that i was just like and i was and so we chugged through a bunch of pictures of which you like maybe seven percent no no the family photos are great but the problem was is because you do like after you get married you know all your family wants a picture of you so you do one with your cousins you do not your cousin i don't know if my cousins but like your grandparents your uncles your da da da and it's like and then your family and then my family and dann my intermediate family and than your immediate family and then parents and then we're passed around like mules yeah so everyone can get their disneyland yeah we're mascots at disney we're minnie and mickey everyone wants a picture but then we finally have time to take our photos with our wedding party which i was most excited about because i spent all this time picking out fucking fabric swatches for all these bridesmaid dresses and all these brooches for all the groomsmen and all this stuff and so i'm so excited to take some photos together and we took like 10 the brooaches were so pretty by the way she did this thing she got a brooch set you posted about it i know but we didn't even get a picture of each of the boys's individual brooch isn't that crazy no we have them we'll see we have because we have uh i mean not like necessarily tight shots of them but yeah i have individuals with each of you do yeah see i didn't get that with the bridesmaids i did it at the at the hotel yeah because we were done early so i did individuals with each of the boys i didn't get it i'm so bummed um it's all right next wedding yeah next wedding next wedding we'll freaking get all the pictures we need um but yeah you're bummed at the lack of pictures which makes sense yeah it just sucks because like i made a whole like pinterest board and like shot list and then it just like you just lose it when you're behind schedule yeah um but bummer we did get some awesome pics i think still uh yeah i got my pyramid picture which is what i wanted yeah and then my picture with you yeah um which is the only two pictures i care about yeah um he didn't care to take a picture with the prize fans no yeah no um but then after it's cocktail hour after cocktail hours freaking the dinner yeah and we walk in and we're the bell the ball and something that you thought of i think you saw somewhere was writing a little letter oh yeah for your guest for your uh escort card so if you're doing assigned seating you also don't you could do this not with assigned seating but essentially when you do assigned seating you have to have a way to communicate to people where they're sitting and so we did we did lit letters that we wrote for each person and then inside the like on the outside of the envelope was their name and their table number and then on the inside of the envelop was a note that we wrote for them and it was all like you know a custom letter a little note of love and appreciation and people loved that they did love it it took us forever and we were gonna handwrite them but then both of our handwriting is so bad that i talked i'm so happy we did not do that because that would have taken so much longer i could barely read my own vows and i hand wrote them yeah um yeah i ended up having tricia the night before go print my vows and glue them into my vow book because i was writing and i was like i can't read this like i can't yeah like i cannot read them but i i wrote them on the notes app in my phone yeah i didn't even read i freaking remember but i do recommend that that's a tip for people getting married is honestly let's go through because there's like at least five tips that you should take away from this wedding okay one the little notes for all your guests that is people did love them and sometimes you can make it easier by doing a group note for like a family yeah or you know like i did one note for people who came from my company because they're all the same table yeah um which wasn't the most personal but we were out of note cards so yeah there's like a link to the note cards and also man like it's hard to write a thoughtful note for a hundred people in a row yeah like your brain at a certain point is just like blending like sweet sayings together and i'm like you're kind and then i'm like actually you're not the kind one yeah i don't want to be like thoughtful and then it's like no chat gpt super thoughtful yeah but i know that they were a hit because many people came up after and they had cried from reading the notes yeah so that's a great tip second great tip don't have a sweetheart's table yeah don't Have a sweetheart table some people like it um because then you're not like picking because you can either sit with your family or your friends my thing is my family was the exact number to fit on one table like my adult my adult siblings and my dad um and then all their kids had a table but um our head table was like six it was a long table so it was 16 and so we just sat like like he sat next to christian i sat next To him obviously but then on his other side was christian my other side Was maya and then yeah just made for more fun conversation and i mean like we get up and bounce around and people come up so it's like you don't have that much time anyway but in the time you do have down it's fun to just fraternize and chat and catch up and hang out yeah just get a breather from i guess like you know very similar conversations but the biggest tip that i was trying to say was we got like just these seven dollar vow books off of amazon and that way you write your vows or paste them in there you know in the little book instead of staring at your phone when you're getting vows that's super important so throwing that out there and also take phones away from groomsmen so they're not in pockets and all the photos i mean look honestly honestly we did a phone free wedding it was great i don't know if that's like feasible for everybody but a phone free wedding was freaking awesome just because it it forced everyone talk to each other everyone to talk to Each other there's another like a point where you could be like oh i want a phone break breather and i'm gonna sit at this table alone like it wasn't an option so it just made people like dance more or it was karaoke so like do more karaoke or uh freaking whatever yeah and then another thing that i thought was awesome at the wedding was you got this like answering machine yeah where you could leave a message and it looked like an old style phone and you pick it up and it's like and it's like us being like and then people leave like a little message and that was really cool and then nico i asked nico to set up a little dgi camera dgi dji i don't know whatever um digi camera and so not only did we get the voice memos where we could hear them a little more we have a little like creeper camera on them and it's kind of cute because we get to hear their conversations a little bit before they pick up the phone where they're like what do you say i don't have to say or they'll hang up and be like i did awful like it was very cute and it was it was so grateful that nico did that and then cam cam recorded like a family vlog like a family blog where he just like was with a camcorder just like the old days like you would when you're so big shout out cam and nico and obviously tricia tricia was inadvertently she did not sign up to be a coordinator but she she she unfortunately did not get to enjoy the wedding she was like my go-to yeah so big shot out to freaking tricia um but then yeah the the dinner starts um so i'm sad that ray's not here because i would ask her about the dinner uh dinner was fucking lit dude i had a great ass dinner you did not like your chicken but the chicken was so dry it was so bad that's my tip number four if you can have a tasting it would have been smart it's obvious but unfortunately we didn't do it yeah because we were remote oh we would have had to fly in which maybe you could have flown in and but like yeah so the chicken was bone dry steak was money it was electric but even the sides were kind of i was annoyed with the catering but whatever uh and then speeches the speeches i was probably the single greatest part of the wedding weekend yeah i recommend speeches we had 12 speeches which feels like a lot but it was three days so it wasn't that many and it was like two from my party two from her party every day yeah so at the dinner we had four at the wedding we had for at the we did a post brunch because my family's so big we had to invite people yeah um so four four four yeah and and like yeah i every i think basically like every speech made me cry or feel love my dad's was so funny your dad's was very funny your dads was my dad was so fun my dad goes up there and he's like he's like i remember when she was just a baby or she was just a kid like you know her sister would walk around the puddles she'd jump into them her sister or she'd put the cat in the shower her sister Would take it out i was like when did i put a cat in the shower like what are you talking your dad would just talk he was he was like and he has a way of talking it's very slow yeah and he Has the cadence of like seinfeld yeah he was like growing up she was Just weird yeah and she would go on to work at the gap she said she was an assistant manager and then i talked to some other people there they're all assistant managers and they're just not like i just don't like so i'm sitting there with like you know old friends that like were there in high school and i worked at the gap or whatever and like and everyone's like like yeah like and i'm just i'm like he's lying like he's just he's making stuff up he was just roasting your ass yeah he was roasting my ass and then he was like what's funny is he brought up streaming he was like now she's a streamer and one time i did a one time i did stream because him and his brother so my dad's the oldest of eight kids so him and his brother were like the tag team bullies of the family and they beat up their younger siblings whatever and my uncle that is his brother is like he's the uncle that would always like beat us up like we'd show up to any want to wrestle or whatever and so he has a amongst my family he has that reputation of being like the beater upper guy you know now he's older so like he's obviously not dunking on us anymore but my dad goes i did a i did stream with her one time where i i talked about um what streamers i could beat up and i know some of you are in here today so could you could you stand up and and hasan is right by our table so i go because i know hasan's the tallest one because maya was on that list like i think lily was onthat list like jason was on like there's other people that were on that list that were there but like i was like hasan's the funniest one because he's so tall so i'm like hasan stand up the problem is hasan was not paying attention so hasan stands up and he's just like what and then my dad's whole punch line is like well i have like maybe i can't beat you up but my brother's here and so then my my uncle uncle stands up when he's like all burly like like this like like whatever like playing it up a little bit and hasan is just so confused and then they fought and then they fought and it was a really close match it was ref's decision uh uncle one but uh but honestly that was probably the second best part is the the bare knuckle fight yeah uh but it was funny the speeches were awesome but my dad well my dad told me a few days late like last week he was like i feel bad i didn't get a wrap up your speech and i was like oh what was it supposed to be and he was Like i was supposed to bring it back at the end and tell you to stay different that you being different is what makes you you and and i was like oh that would have made more sense because this whole speech is just talking about how different i am why didn't he get to rap but he wasn't cut off because he brought up my mom and he brought up swift and he'd brought up how he like how because essentially part of his speech was talking about like independent i've been since i was a kid and how he he's watched me go through hard things and hasn't been able to help because he just sees me fix it and he bought up my mom and swift and how he wishes he could have fixed those things because he's never seen me like hurt so much um but then he got emotional and was like and then he's like i'm out i'm out yeah so that's where i got it from that's that's yeah so he bailed out as soon as he got emotional but um i don't think i've seen him cry i wonder if he cried at the ceremony he cried at the he cried during that speech oh but like a little oh yeah yeah and then he bailed out yeah yeah he bailged but yeah so that's why he was dunking on me because the whole wholehearted like the wholesome part of it was him supposed to be telling me to stay stay different so but it's funny that he had to tell me later and then your mom's was very sweet my mom's very sweet everyone cry she's just like love him and my mom is funny because she's she's just funny dude she's funny and she knows she has an accent and she uses it to be funnier yeah but uh but yeah there was one speech i didn't like i will say really yeah well i actually don't know whose it could be should we save it for the primo oh drama on the primo all right you guys we're gonna head to the patreon we're going to keep talking wedding stuff and then we'll probably talk about some normal stuff and whatever but thank you guys for watching this week uh normal episodes back next week thank you for dealing with all the bulk recording on this podcast and fear and obviously i missed fear and last week because i got sick which we'll also get to on the primo uh we'll head to the primo now patreon.com slash whine about it hey me and my wife saw you from across the room we thought you look really nice you want to come into our premium episode me my wife's thought you looked really fucking cute come check out our patreon me and my wife thought you'd have a fucking good time there © transcript Emily Beynon © transcript Emily Beynon © transcript Emily Beynon © transcript Emily Beynon © transcript Emily Beynon © transcript Emily Beynon Thank you for watching!